- Banana trees grow in clumps. They are like invasive bamboo, only bigger. With huge root systems.
- They need constant pruning to remove dead leaves.
- Once a tree fruits, it will never fruit again and needs to be chopped down with a machete (ok, I admit, that’s fun!), the pieces dragged outside, and the bin men bribed to take it all away (strictly cash or a six-pack of beer – Alf’s job).
- Once you chop it down, if you don’t dig up the root, it will re-grow really fast, but never fruit.
- They lean across the driveway and fall on your car if you’re not careful.
- They fall over when they’re heavy with fruit. Or when it rains too much. Or just because they want to. They like to be tied up.
- The whole clump will fall over if you poison one stump because you didn’t know they were all connected.
- The fruit all ripens at once and you have to go and hang shopping bags full of bananas on your neighbours’ fences.
- You might not even eat bananas.
So we don’t have them any more.
They did look tropical though.